Coaching Conversations With. . .

In my other life I’m a Fantasy writer (Thus the reason for “Silencing Your Inner Saboteur” being a tool for writers). I blame this imaginative side of me for what you’re about to read. Througout my trainging as a coach and now in my practice there is a lot of discussion about not judging the client or imposing my own values on them, which is all fabulous. But it makes the writer in me worry that one day I’ll have a client who needs help achieving their goal of becoming a serial killer. Now, given that the laws and my contract state that should I fear for someone’s safety, I can report the client, this shouldn’t be a worry. But then I get to thinking that maybe I shouldn’t judge the client and not impose my values on them. Then I began to imagine just what one of these coaching conversations would look like.

DISCLAIMER #1: This is not a real coaching conversation. Some of the questions asked might come up in an actual coaching session, but the structure and duration is much shorter than a real session.

DISCLAIMER #2: Any characters appearing in “Coaching Sessions With. . .” are fictional, I do not own the rights to these characters. This is my own interpretation of what they might say. This is not fan fiction. This is not, in any way, an attempt to alter or add to the canon of any given character’s story arc or the world of their creators.

DISCLAIMER #3: There may be spoilers ahead.

And now, I give you: Coaching Conversations With. . . Darth Vader

Me: Now, Lord Vader, we have 30 minutes together, what would be the BEST use ouf time together?

LV: I’m having trouble completing my Death Star. There are just so many distractions and demands on my time. And then there are these pesky rebels who want to blow it up. But I know that if I finish it, they will leave it alone. Why can’t I just finish it? There are just so many . . . Prioritization. I need to work on that. When to choke hold, when to plan tactical maneuvers, when to build.

Me: Priortization is the absolute most important goal for today?

LV: I think so. Maybe not. No. I’m just so frustrated.

Me: What would you like to feel instead?

LV: In control.

Me: And why is being in control important to you?

LV: If everyone would just listen to me and do what I tell them to, the Death Star would be finished already, and the rebels would be crushed.  Well maybe not crushed, my son and daughter are working with them. If they have half of my tenacity, they’ll be a challenge to destrly. But they’re my blood, for Palpatine’s sake! If the Empire would just listen to me, these rebels will be dealt with swiftly. I know how they think. I know what they’re up to.

Me: When you are in control, everyone is listening to you, doing what you tell them to do, who are you being?

LV: I’m actually a fun guy, you know. I don’t want to be all scary threatening with the choke hold and giving a lightsaber smack-down. When I’m in control, I can lauh a little, go for a drink with some of my underlings, regale them with stories of my pod-racing days.

Me: How would you know, at the end of this session, that you would be in control?

LV: You hear how raspy my breathing is? Everyone thinks it’s because of this mask. It isn’t. It’s because I’m so stressed out.

Me: So you’d breathe easier.

Lv: Yes. And I wouldn’t feel the need to kill so many for their incompetence.

Me: Breathing easy and calmer. On a scale of 1 to 10, how in control are you now?

LV: I’d say about a 4.

Me: And what makes it a 4?

LV: Not everything is a complete loss, I guess. My army, though they’re rather incompetent, at least they listen to me, and for the most part get done what needs to be done.

Me: And where would you like to be on that scale at the end of this session?

LV: An 8.

Me: What do you need to get you to that 8?

LV: A better HR department.

Me: How do you see yourself making this change of HR personnel?

LV: The current staff are as good as dead unless they can prove themselves. I’m going to review all the applicants for a while, until the new HR people know what it is I”m looking for.

Me: What else do you need to get that control?

LV: Fear. I need them to fear me. Obviously I haven’t been as thorough in my discipline as I need to be.

Me: What are some changes to your discipline that you need to make?

LV: I can feed them to the trash compacter dwellers. They’ll obey before their baby toes are nibbled off.

Me: Of these actions, changing your HR department and your methods of discipline, which one are you most committed to over the next couple of weeks?

LV: The discipline is the easiest one, so that shouldn’t be a problem. The HR thing is going to take a lot more time. I don’t know if I can do anything on it right away.

Me: On a scale of 1 to 10, how committed are you to making the changes to employee discipline?

LV: 10

Me: And when are you going to make those changes?

LV: As soon as I get back to the ship.

Me: On a scale of 1 to 10, how in control do you feel?

LV: A 9

Me: A 9. What would make it a 10?

LV: Actually putting my plans into effect.

Me: What was the win of this session for you?

LV: I really needed to come up with a plan and I feel like I have that now. You can tell, my breathing isn’t so raspy. It will help me sneek up on my victims. Thank you.

Me: Thank you for allowing me to share this journey with you.

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